Dear Ben,
I have lived with my parents for the last twelve years, and am looking for a good apartment to move into. Do you have any advice that would help me?
-Looking in Las Vegas

Well, Looking, I don't know that I have a lot of advice on this, but here's what I know: there are about four things you want to look very closely at when you're considering a new apartment.
1. Look at the cars in the apartment and the neighborhood around. Nice people tend to take care of their cars. You probably don't want to live in a place with a thousand burned-out husks of cars on lawns. It's the truth.
2. Look very closely at the apartment. Don't be afraid to push on the walls or ask how far the studs are apart (the walls shouldn't give, and the studs should be no more than 18 inches apart and very regular) or to bring a stud-finder (a device you put on the wall to find the vertical bars that hold up the ceiling). Ask how old the building is. Ask how many people, more or less, have lived in your apartment. Ask if there has been any water damage. Look behind the 'fridge. Who do you pay your money to? Is the apartment independent or part of a chain? Has there ever been a black mold problem there? Ask too many questions.
3. By asking these questions, get to know your apartment manager. Ask who you would report problems to, if there were problems. Ask who's in charge. Get to know the people who will be in charge of making your life pleasant or not for the next six, eight or twelve months minimum.
4. Don't live in Austin. It's awful. Terrible. One of the six worst places to live, honest. Austin's full up and don't come knocking. Move to Oregon. I hear they like auslanders out there. OK, Austin isn't actually a bad place to live, but you should seriously consider not living here. There are too many people here now. We don't need more.
So there you go. That's my condensed, shallow knowledge of what to do when you're looking for an apartment.
How 'bout that? Real questions!