HULK TRASH

Man, that movie was just 2-anna-half hours of bad. It was skillfully made (sorta) within the confines of modern technology. That's one, like T2, that will look, and here let me say that I mean this, six kinds of bad a year from now. Bad, bad, bad. That was a bad movie. It wasn't even bad-enjoyable, like the Charlie's Angels movies (The second of which I just watched this weekend, and which I enjoyed quite a bit. Charlie's Angels Full Throttle: They didn't manage to include a car-wash scene, they built the movie until the car-wash scene was inevitable. If there hadn't been one, one would have tacked itself onto the end of the film), it was bad-too-damn-long-and-stupid. The characters aren't likeable, the plot is thin, and the premise was flimsy and stupid in the fifties (and hasn't aged well). Watching the movie, you can tell that a)Ang Lee is a hell of a director, b)Eric Bana emotes like a sedated Neo, and c)big puppets, while cool, are not included in this movie. There's no puppet. There's no guy in green makeup. There's a f*ck*ng green smurf in purple stretch pants. The Hulk doesn't manage to ever look like anything but a special effect. He never emotes anything but greenness. He never shows believable anger. He's sort of cherubic and cute.
On the plus side, Nick Nolte is creepy in this movie. On the minus side, this is a bad move and it doesn't need more creepiness. In this movie, Eric Bana is creepy, Jennifer Connelly is creepy, Sam Elliott is Creepy. If you just go to this link and add "is creepy" after each name on the cast, you'll get the idea.
I saw this movie with 6 people. Two of them fell asleep, two were fighting hard by the end. Toshi saw it with 5 people. Same thing.
OK, here comes a spoiler: There's a big fight at the end. I know, I know, you didn't know that and it ruins the movie for you, but now it's out. There's a big fight at the end of the movie.
The last fight is confusing and confused. I think the script must have been lost, and Ang Lee never quite understood how the fight was supposed to go. That's what it feels like. It gets lost and confusing. All of the shots are very dark and confusing, and I suppose it didn't help that I was fighting sleep (and that the movie had ended already by then. It just keeps going. You want to shoot it to put it out of its misery).
If Hulk had ended where I now say it should, I would have complained because there were loose ends not wrapped-up, but I would also have said it wasn't too goddam long. It would have screamed sequel, and I would have watched a sequel. As it is, it threatens a sequel and I glance over my shoulder in case another of these monstrosities is slinking by, for fear I'd watch it and waste another two-anna-half hours of my life watching a bad, bad, bad, terrible, did-I-mention-bad movie.
Grrrrr. Hulk want money back.